Parody of Symphony of the night
by Aurora M. Tepes
Summary: Bad title, I know. Randomness that I think of while playing the game. The story is more interesting than it sounds. Chapter three replaced with the right thing now.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** Hey, I'm as true a Castlevania fan as anyone, but once in a while these things just _hit_ you. Yes, hit you. Like one of those shiney orbs that float around Shaft. Oooooo! Shiney! (Aurora goes off in search of shiney things)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Castlevania or any of its characters. They belong to Koonami. I wish I owned them. Uncle Al is great.

**Warning:** Symphony of the Night spoilers.

Parody of the Symphony of the Night… Which isn't really that symphonic… or nightly… or… oh nevermind!

Dracula lounged in his gigantic, overly decorated throne. He had an extremely antique and breakable wine glass filled with red wine in his hand. Richter Belmont, vampire hunter extraordinaire, and wielder of the slowly decaying ancient Belmont whip, walked like only a former -town star high school quarterback could to stand in front of the overly decorated throne of Dracy.

"Die monster! You don't belong in this world!" Richter stated in his badly-done-they-chose-because-they-thought-American-kids-would-like-it voice. Dracula took a sip of his expensive red wine that really didn't taste very good.

"It was not by my doing that I was once again given flesh. I was brought here by… _humans_ who wished to pay _me_ tribute," Dracula replied in his almost-sinister-semi-naisely-soar-throat voice.

"Tribute!" Richter exclaimed. "You steal men's souls and make them your slaves!"

"Perhaps the same could be said of all religions."

"Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you!"

"What is a man!" Dracula retorted as he threw his antique wine glass, semi-full of red wine on his _new_ carpet. "A mis-!"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Richter gasped. Dracula looked around.

"What?"

"That carpet! You've ruined it!"

"No I haven't!"

"Yes you have! That's _red_ wine. It'll never come out! Believe me, I've tried."

"Yes it will come out!"

"No, no, it won't come out."

"Well, I'll show you! It will come out! It will!"

"No, no, I don't believe you!"

"Well then, watch and be AMAZED!" Dracula stood and used his ultra, super, dark, vampiric powers of evil and DOOM! to get the newly applied stain out of his beautiful carpet. After a few moments, nothing happened.

"See? See? What did I tell you? It won't come out! I was right and you were wrong!" Richter said, sticking his tongue out.

"No, no, you're wrong. I'll use my ultra, super, awesome, cool, dark, vampiric powers of evil and DOOM! to get that stain out of my carpet! My son bought be that carpet and I owe him a lot of money. I'm not going to ask him for more. Besides, I have to get it out! If he comes in later in the story and sees it, he'll be mad at me. I don't like it when he's mad at me!"

"Wait! Al's coming later in the story!"

And from the distance came a faint shout that sounded something like, "DON'T CALL ME AL!"

"What was that?" asked Richter. Dracula shrugged. Then, with his ultra, super, awesome, cool, dark, vampiric powers of evil and DOOM! he tried to get the stain out of his carpet. But, alas, it didn't work.

"See? See?" reiterated Richter.

"NO! It will come out! It will! It will!" Dracula shouted. He jumped on the ground and started scrubbing the stain furiously with his cape. The stain came out. "Ha! Now who's right? Ha! Who's yo'-"

"Just get back to the corny canversation! I can't kill you until you finish!"

"What! You're gonna kill me!"

"Well, duh! Why do you think I came here! It certainly wasn't to have a tea party!"

"But- but-!" Dracula began to cry.

"Aw, now little Vlady, don't cry! It's okay! It's okay!"

"You're gonna _kill_ me!" Dracula sobbed.

"Well, you'll come back in the next few moments!"

"_sniff_I will?_sniff_"

"Of course!"

"Well, in that case! Where were we? Oh yes! A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk. Have at you!" But, alas, before Dracula could do anything, Richter killed him.

End of chapter 1.

Aurora: What did you think? Well, please review! No flames though. I can't use them very well, Niara's the magic user. But she doesn't like them either.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Do you _really_ need me to repeat it? No? Good.

**Aurora's note:** Thanks for the two of you who reviewed for the first chapter. I wasn't really sure where to go with this one until… Well, you'll find out, won't you? Oh, and since this is a parody, it goes without saying that sometimes the characters will not be in complete character. Just to let you know.

**Chapter 2: Attention Deficit Hey! Dude! Let's go ride bikes!**

(The title has nothing to do with the chapter.)

A lone figure stood staring solemnly at the newly risen Castlevania. Lightning struck atmospherically in the background as dramatic music played and an annoying narrator who wasn't in the game, but wanted to be part of the fanfiction and wasn't important anyway, spoke of the little bit of exposition that was needed for the game, but isn't important here anyway.

So Alucard, much annoyed at not being given the proper introduction that he needed, (which is a stunning detail about his looks), ran to Castlevania and managed to get inside the drawbridge before it closed. He quickly disposed of the enemies he found in the first few rooms, (including the never ending zombies), and went to where Death was floating in a courtyard-type place splendidly decorated with impaled bodies.

"Ah, Alucard," Death greeted with his voice which had been an attempt at cool sound effects by the American guys but only came out as a little better than Dracula's. "What is your business here?" Alucard struck a dramatic, brooding pose.

"I've come to put an end to this," Alucard stated in his better-than-Dracula-but-still-majorly-annoying voice.

"Still _cough_ be-_cough cough_- Excuse me. Do you have a cough drop?" Death coughed. Alucard opened his cape and rummaged through it.

"Let's see here… Knives…knives…knives…Axes…Here-wait, sorry, just another knife…cross…Hey! My long lost toy boat that I thought Father gave to Elizabeth! Yea! Now if only I had some water…Hmmm…"

"What about my cough drop!" Alucard started.

"Oh! Right! Sorry, I forgot… Could you hold these?" Alucard threw his pile of knives, axes, crosses, and his long lost toy boat onto Death and continued to rummage. "Stereo…Hey! I forgot I had this CD! Let's see… Plug in the stereo…turn up the volume…"

"WHAT ABOUT MY COUGH DROP!" Alucard rummaged in his cape.

"Well, I don't have any cough drops, but I have this cough syrup!" Alucard handed the bottle of 'cough syrup' to Death. Death drank it.

"YOU _chock_ GAVE _hack hack_ ME _gasp_ HOLY WATER! _gasp sputter cough hack_" Alucard had turned on his stereo and a strange, German rock song was blaring through the castle.

"WE ARE LIVING IN AMERICA! AMERICA IS VUNDABAR! WE ARE LIVING IN AMERICA! AMERICA! AMERICA!" Alucard screamed, singing along with the lyrics.

"I SAID_cough hack_ YOU GAVE_ cough sputter_ ME-!" The music went off.

"What did you say?" Alucard asked. Death gasped and fell over and began writhing on the ground, coughing and sputtering… and hacking…and gasping… "Oh well." Alucard put away all of his things and was about to go on his merry way to kill Dracula and all that jazz, but Death got back up.

"Wait! _cough sputter_ We haven't _hack_ finished the _cough cough_ corny _gasp_ dialogue!" Alucard stopped for a moment.

"You're right! I almost forgot. Wait! I did forget! WHAT ARE MY LINES! SCRIPT! I NEED A SCRIPT! **_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GIVE ME A SCRIPT!_**" Alucard was calmed in this moment of desperation by a bicycle. A bicycle, it seems, with pretty silver streamers and a bell. "Ooooo! Bicycle!"

"WHAT ABOUT THE CONVERSATION!" Alucard shrugged.

"Why don't we just forget about it?"

"Forget about it? Forget about it! What? Are you mad!"

"Oh, no. As long as Father hasn't stained the new rug I gave him, I'm not mad at anyone."

"No! That's not the type of mad that I mean!"

"Then which mad did you mean?"

"I meant mad like _crazy_ mad!"

"Wait… You haven't coughed, sputtered, gasped, or hacked in the past…_8_ paragraphs! Something's not right here…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the comedy of this chapter has focused on your need of a cough drop and my ADHD. If you haven't coughed, sputtered, gasped, or hacked and I haven't lost focus, this means that the writer of this fanfiction is running out of ideas!"

"_gasp_ Oh no! If she's run out of ideas-! Wait… we're in a fanfiction?"

"You didn't know that?"

"No! I thought we were in a game."

"Well, we're in both, really."

"Hm… I didn't know that! So, if we're in both, but right now we're in a fanfiction and not in the game-…"

"No, you see, we're in both simultaneously."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Oh, in that case… What were we saying anyway?"

"It was your line. Right at 'still befriending mortals.'"

"Ah, yes, thank you."

"No problem."

"Still befriending mortals. I'll not ask you to return to our side. But I demand you leave this place at once!"

"What's my line?"

"I don't know! I didn't memorize _your_ lines!"

"Well, neither did I!"

"Hmm… Then we're in a bit of a pickle."

"I like pickles."

"Well I don't."

"I don't see how you could like or dislike anything! You're bones…and worms."

"They are not worms! They're…they're…"

"What are they?"

"They're my paparazzi group!"

"You're weird."

"Not as weird as you are!"

"Oh, much weirder."

"Well, anyway, I can't see how we're going to end this except….THIS!" Then Alucard was stripped of all his cool stuff and all that.

End of Chappy 2.

**Aurora's note:** Well, I said that the title had nothing to do with the fanfiction, but I was wrong. Review! Don't flame. I can't use them!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Do you _really_ need me to repeat it? No? Good.

**Aurora's note:** Thanks for those of you who reviewed the first chapters. This is just a filler until my writers block for anything having to do with Castlevania goes away. Sorry it's so short. Chapter 4 will be much longer, I promise. Besides that, I have loads of homework, _and_ I'm writing my book, _and_ I'm trying to put my haunted house together, and you don't need to know the rest of the list.

**Chapter 3: The Trouble With Skeletons**

Alucard walked down the hall. It was dark…and hellish. He didn't _really_ know where he was going. Since Death had taken his onboard navigational system away from him he was lost.

Suddenly, he heard the rattling of bones. He followed the sounds and found a skeleton band playing.

"'Dem bones, 'dem bones, 'dem dry bones," was what the monotonous song sounded like.

The skeletons turned inside out. Then they exploded. Alucard shook his head.

"That's the trouble with skeletons," he said before walking away.

**Aurora:** As I said before: Sorry! The next one will be longer, I swear! Any site that has the script of SotN would be useful. Review or message if you can, thanks.


End file.
